the <3 romance <3 edition; 9.12.18

Hi there pals and peers, we’re switching it up a little today! It’s time for me to ‘fess up and say that I haven’t been including everything I’ve been reading On Here. In the last month or so I’ve been reallllly diving deep into the romance novel genre, and I haven’t included them here not because I’m embarrassed of them [trust me, I’ve been talking about them just about nonstop IRL], but because a) it feels weird to tell the internet about the horny stories I’ve been reading [know there are many successful romance novel blogs and I honor them, for they are much braver than I and their service infinitely more valuable] and b) it feels like my draw to the genre at this particular moment [or that particular moment, as the craving seems to be retreating…for now] has been rooted in some interesting emotional stuff that has taken a lot of processing.

And also, in some ways, rating a romance novel is a little…arbitrary? Because what you’re going to enjoy is so individual to you and the tropes that resonate with you (or just make you giggle-blush) is going to vary based on who you are as a person! Also…I mostly wasn’t reading these with my critical-thinking lens [NOT THAT CRITICAL THINKING ABOUT ROMANCE NOVELS ISN’T VALUABLE IT’S JUST NOT WHAT I’VE CURRENTLY HAD BRAIN SPACE FOR] so instead of the normal 1-3 paragraphs about each book I had a lot of fun coming up with an “equational description,” a “Flavor Profile” of what I imagine each book would taste like, and a rating loosely based around something in the book.

Enjoy!

Image result for the hating game sally thorneThe Hating Game – Sally Thorne
Equational Description: a smol aspiring editor + a tall aspiring businessperson = workplace shenanigans [also one of my most susceptible tropes: hate turned to love]
Flavor Profile: a roll of SweetTarts, unevenly tart-ened
Rating: 8/10 aspirational business cards

 

 

Image result for married by morning lisa kleypasMarried By Morning – Lisa Kleypas
Equational Description: smoldering nobility + mysterious governess = estate law shenanigans
Flavor Profile: the cinnamon challenge, but in cupcake form
Rating: 8.5/10 pairs of spectacles that keep getting knocked across the room but nevertheless she persisted

[extra note: some of the side characters in this book are Romani, and Kleypas unfortunately uses the term “gypsy,” which is an ethnic slur. Though I’m not familiar with Kleypas’ ethnic background, I’m guessing that she’s not Romani, mostly by her kinda-fetishy portrayal of those characters so that’s, you know, Not Great.]

Image result for wicked surrender jade lee bookWicked Surrender  Jade Lee
Equational Description: smoldering nobility [this is a common theme] + broke actress = class-conscious shenanigans
Flavor Profile: mulled cider spiked by someone with zero interest in measuring cups
Rating: 8/10 impeccably kept barouches

 

 

Image result for a wicked way to win an earl anna bradleyA Wicked Way to Win An Earl – Anna Bradley
Equational Description: smoldering nobility + sassy artist = archery shenanigans
Flavor Profile: chili peppers hiding in a pile of fluffy scrambled eggs
Rating: 9/10 hothouse orchids

 

 

Image result for to surrender to a rogue cara elliottTo Surrender to a RogueCara Elliott
Equational Description: smoldering artist nobility + Italian single mom = archaeology shenanigans
Flavor Profile: improperly cured spicy Italian sausage
Rating: 7/10 bronze antiquities improbably dug up in Bath

 

 

 

Image result for christina lauren dirty rowdy thing book coverDirty Rowdy Thing – Christina Lauren
Equational Description: NBC intern + broke fisherman = boat shenanigans
Flavor Profile: fish tacos unexpectedly seasoned with pop tarts
Rating: 9/10 fisherman’s sweaters

 

 

 

Image result for jenny holiday one and only book coverOne and Only – Jenny Holiday
Equational Description: responsible cosplaying bridesmaid + returning solider = wedding shenanigans [TW for depictions of war-related PTSD]
Flavor Profile: tangy, medium rare BBQ steak
Rating: 9/10 of a Xena Warrior Princess costume

 

 

 

You may have noticed that I gave none of these a 10/10, and that is because my perfect 10 is reserved for The Wedding Datewhich I have written about here and which has my whole entire heart. Do yourself a damn favor and pre-order The Proposal now.

3 thoughts on “the <3 romance <3 edition; 9.12.18

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